The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
