I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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