Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
