So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
