This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
