I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
