my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
