do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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