I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
