1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
