Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
