i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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