2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize