Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my shit smells like andre
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
