how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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