Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
