How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
