when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
