Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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