This is not my ceiling
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize