I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
