I hate your face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
