he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
