Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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