youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize