naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
