the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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