Michael Bay diarrhea
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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