At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize