you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
