I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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