we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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