Reggie can tackle my bush.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize