All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
