oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
