im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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