There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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