did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
