Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
