did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
