My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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