i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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