saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
