Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
