I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
