Moan for me like Helen Keller
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize