im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
