I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
