There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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