Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
