And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
