idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
