Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
