I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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