he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
