his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize