I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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