So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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