I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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