i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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