i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
