I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
