i don't like sucking hair
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
its liver damage thursday
Randomize