there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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