youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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