So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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