I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize