Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
