My brain says no but my pants say off.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
only you would photoshop your dick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize