I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
