I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
