plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
