yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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