you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
