cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
