honey bunches of taint.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
