You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
