You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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