I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
