Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
