I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
