I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
